about cooked
cooked has traded through bear markets, watched FTX collapse and Luna implode, and sat through more rugs and memecoin cycles than is healthy. This site is the set of guides cooked wished existed the first time round.
who cooked is
Someone who has been in crypto long enough to see it fall apart more than once. Bear markets that ran longer than anyone said they would. An exchange going under with people's deposits inside it. A stablecoin unwinding and taking a whole chain with it. Rugs, dead memecoins, and cycles that felt different right up until they didn't.
Through all of it, the hard part was rarely the trade. It was the small stuff: where the deposit button went, which network to pick, what a fee actually cost, why a token vanished from the wallet. The answers were scattered across help pages, Discord threads and screenshots of screenshots.
why this site exists
So cooked started writing them down. One question per page, answered in the first lines, with the screen you will actually see.
what you'll find here
Guides to the terminals, exchanges and chains people actually use: signing up and funding an account, a first trade, reading a token, what the fees cost, and fixing things when they break. Each venue has its own page, in reading order, basics first. Pick a venue.
how it's checked
Every figure links to its source and the date it was checked. How we check every number.
how it's paid for
Referral links, disclosed on every page that carries one. Our referral links.
where to find us
cooked posts on X as @cookedjpg, and the site posts as @apebrief. There is no apebrief or cooked token. We never message first, and we never ask you to connect a wallet or for a seed phrase or a one-time code.